1. How often we’d be writing to our exotic European penpals
Leaving Cert French led us to believe that we’d spend our free time writing to French lads about “the importance of school uniforms” or whatever.
It’s been eleven years and we still don’t have a single French penpal :(
2. The frequency with which we would be in a foreign country and looking for a “youth hostel” or “the town cathedral”
You, in Leaving Cert Spanish: “Pardon, sir, can you give me directions to the town cathedral?”
You, in real life: “[wouldn't dream of asking anyone for directions]”
3. The importance of neat handwriting in everyday life
Nobody over the age of 11 really cares about how neat your handwriting is. In fact, adults with excessively neat handwriting should be regarded with a degree of suspicion.
4. What a valuable skill being able to play the tin whistle was
You, age 8: “Now that I have mastered Sally Garden on the tin whistle, I will never be stuck for a party piece and might even get a record deal.”
You, age 26: “I can’t fold a fitted sheet, but I can play Sally Garden on the tin whistle. The education system has failed me.”
5. The relevance of long division to our everyday life
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You wish you could go back in time and tell Mr. Murphy that one day, we’d all have a thing called an iPhone that would allow you add/subtract/multiply/divide to your heart’s content.
6. And seriously, when have we ever needed sin/cos/tan?
All that time spent learning “Some Old Hairy Camels Are Hairier Than Others Are”.
For nothing.
7. That 100% attendance was ever an achievable goal
Remember in primary school when you’d receive a certificate for not missing a day in the previous school year, and we were led to believe that not missing a day ever was an achievable goal?
And then you became an adult and realised that man flus/hangovers are a thing.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
8. The time we spent learning the dreaded Modh Coinníollach was not “worth it in the end”
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When you were 17, the Modh Coinníollach was the be all and end all. It hung over you like a dark cloud. You put in so many nights trying to master it.
And then once your Irish oral was done, you blocked the trauma from your memory and never thought about it again.
“You’ll be glad you put the work in, girls,” they said. “It’ll all be worth it in the end.”
How wrong they were.
9. Worst of all, they lied to us about monkeys and elephants being friends
A pig and a fox just chilling? An elephant and a monkey having a laugh?
OH COME ON, IRELAND.
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